Simulator Wont Start on Windows nor Linux

I am trying to launch the Playdate Simulator on Windows 8.1 and it won't launch at all. I tried installing the C++ redistributable mentioned in the Read Me file but still no dice. I even tried downloading the Linux version and installed it on Debian 8 and it doesn't launch on the Linux side either!

I am really banging my head here, I would love to start messing around with Playdate but am thwarted at every turn. The only other mention of this issue I could find on this forum was an old thread from April but there's no solution there. Can anyone help me figure this out?

What error messages are you getting?

When you try and launch the Simulator from the command line in Linux it should log any errors, please attach them here.